1Q 2019

4 months since my last post. And now y’all know why I stopped paying to host my own website.

Life, it is still crazy and some days I wish I was an attention seeking drama queen, but I am not one of those people.

I’ve started therapy, which is has been awesome. I’m finding me again. One of the suggestions was meditation and so I’m using knitting. No thinking, stockinette. Just knitting. Sure, I have harder projects, but I save the easy stuff for meditation.

I’ve finished two sweaters for me, one for my mom’s dog (despite the cat modeling it), and a shawl.

I’ve also had adventures in Nacogdoches, at the zoo, and hanging with friends new and old. I have two sweaters, two pairs of socks, and a shawl on the needles.

I raised money for the WalkMS (which was cancelled due to rain) and I’m still raising money for the BikeMS. (Yes, you can still donate at the link) And if y’all want to do some good and in the meantime make someone suffer, you can donate to this link. (I have met my minimum, this person has not.)

I’m doing well health wise and have been fitted for an AFO for the beginning of foot drop. I wore high heels, probably for the last time. I had my infusion in my favorite zebra room. I’m looking at surgery this summer and am debating a go fund me for the hospital copay. $2k is a chunk of change. I’ll drop my PayPal here in the meantime if anyone feels like helping.

There you go, my first quarter summed up in a blog post.

How has your year been going?

New Year’s Sock

Not cast on today, but worked on to the best of my arm’s ability. Inspired Maureen and her stripe phase, I bought this yarn sometime last year. They’re a bit further along now, and I’m enjoying the soothing rhythm I’ve gotten into.

Not that there haven’t been some pretty awesome things that have happened, but they were overshadowed by the shit show that hit a few weeks ago.

No resolutions for me as usual, but maybe some intentions:

  • I choose that this year be the best it can be.
  • I choose to be happier from moment to moment.
  • I choose to forgive others, and myself.
  • I choose to live well.

Happy 2019 y’all!

Love Thursday… and a confession

01. I love the hair even more this morning. I walked by a mirror this morning on my way to get coffe and shocked myself.

02. I love that I’m going on a ghost hunt this weekend. It sounds like fun. But if I die from fright… Nora divides the stash.

03. I love that I get to see what may be my new gun tomorrow. WOO!

04. I love a good cup of coffee in the morning.

05. I love the thought of going and riding some quads on Sunday, but I’m not going to do it. I’m not sure I can handle it with the arm and I’m too afraid to hurt it. Maybe sometime in the future on ground that is something other then sand.

06. I love falling asleep curled up next to him.

07. I love that I have such a diverse group of friends. I mean, I’m pretty much covered for anything. Russians attacking? Yep. Going out and partying? Yes. Going shooting? Have it. Getting arrested after partying or shooting? That too. Riding horses? Check. Serious discussions? Covered. Knitting accident? Absolutely. Just being a general ankle loving freak? Yep.

08. I love the smell of puppy breath.

09. I love collapsing into bed after a hard day’s work. Showered and fresh again but totally and completely worn out. A bed never feels so good.

10. I love this new saying I found and even made it my tag line.

If you’re waiting for a sign, this is it. Do it. It will be amazing.

O.k. then. You all want the confession. (Freaks) And of course I’m all about keeping it real here at Chez Evil.

:::donning asshat::::

A few weeks ago, I was having a little freak out and I bought a pack of cigarettes. And then another. And well, all that time not smoking went down the tubes. So yeah. Stooopid. But I did it. There you go.

Yes mom, I am quitting again. This weekend. I’m just throwing it out there. Luckily, it hasn’t been that long. And it helps that almost every time I light one, I think of Jen’s pain and how I’m being selfish and stupid. And I feel like a dumb ass.

Growth Spurt: Vol. 1

fiber 001

In a fit of what can only be called DST Dementia, I decided that I hated everything I had on my needles. The socks were put in hibernation and everything else was ripped. It was actually quite nice. Freeing. I think my knitting ADD takes over sometimes and I.MUST.CAST.ON.NOW. No matter how many projects I have on the needles. Or I start to have issues with a pattern or yarn and just leave it on the needles and try something else. I did however cast on one mindless project I wanted to make for me and one thinking pattern. No, the Aspen shawl is not either one.

I was feeling a little overwhelmed. Perhaps the crappy grade on the Spanish midterm and the impending doom of the Philosophy “write an eight page paper in a week” midterm was leaving me a little stressed. Maybe it’s the dealing with the insurance idiot, the PT who “won’t schedule until idiot cuts a check” and the fact that this is the beginning of week three of sitting around doing nothing. Maybe the landlord who took a week and a half to fix a leaking water heater and OH… while he was here, his handyman took one of my garden tools while he watched him do it. Plus the extra added bonus of finding out that someone who thinks she’s my supervisor told the main office that she hasn’t heard from me since January. Thank GOD I not only called, but I scanned the Dr.’s notes and emailed them to her. I was able to forward the multiple emails. I would love to be a fly on the wall when they confront her.

As part of the whole growth thing I decided to do this year (what was I thinking?!), I admitted to myself that:

  • No, I am not superwoman
  • I cannot handle it all
  • I don’t have to handle it all
  • I have no idea what I’m doing
  • It’s o.k. to ask for help.

Yes, I put on my big girl panties. I’ve made the appointment with the worker’s comp attorney because I’m just tired of dealing with the crap. Yes, I could handle it myself – but I don’t have to. He’s going to get 25% if I bring him in now or if I do it later. I’ve had my QME and that was one of the important milestones before actually retaining an attorney (you get some added breaks if you’re unrepresented). Besides, I’d be adding mental illness/idiot induced psychosis to my claim if I didn’t.

I also made a commitment to myself last Monday and have actually been following it . The first half hour of the day is for feeding my spirit. If that’s reading something spiritual, something growth oriented, listening to this great guided imagery cd, or just quiet contemplation… it’s time for me. It’s a wonderful way to start the day.

I heard someone speak this weekend (who must read Margene) and he said that “we are people in process”. It is not the start, it is not the end, it is the process of living. I don’t know why, (zen by osmosis?) but it really struck a cord and made some of the other things he said make sense. It was one of those “a-ha” moments.

O.k… I just had “take on me, take me on” looping through my head. I think that is a signal to wrap this up. Have a great Monday!